开心(:

I've come to a realization that I need to stop living in a dark cloud;
why not live in happiness?
why not live with the joys in life?
why worry constantly over silly things that don't matter?

And you know what?
I'm a lot happier now than I ever was.

I've stopped torturing myself with little things that used to eat me alive.
It's just not worth it. It's not worth hurting relationships.

There's this quote I've been seeing a lot lately,
"Sometimes when I say, 'I'm okay', I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, 'I know you are not'"

I want to add to that..
Sometimes when I say, "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, "I know you are not, but I'll make everything okay again."

Now, the only things I should be worrying about are school-related problems x_x
Must. Study. Must. Get. Perfect. Grades. = Must. Fulfill. Dreams.

Love me
Jini<3

死 性 不 改

Why does this all feel so familiar again..?
同歌. 同眼泪. Same fear that I will lose you.


为什么我一起一起都要做錯?
为什么我一直要伤害你?
Why can't I be perfect?

 我真的很恨我自己...

... 你还可以爱我吗?

Day 4 - To my sibling (closest relative)

Since I'm an only child, I'll dedicate this one to my cousin, Wendy :]

I remember when we were younger, we did everything together. Go out & eat, shopping with our moms, vacations, etc. Simple games of make believe were fun with you. Playing teacher, pretend shopping at a grocery store, singing.. I miss these simple times, where the only thing we worried about was leaving each other because the sky was getting dark. Now you're all grown up. You've worked so hard all these years at school & you deserve the very best. You're about to head to college and wherever you go, I know you'll succeed. I love you as if you were my little sister. Although we fought like hell when we were younger, it's different now. We've matured, and now I can talk to you about real life things. Just know, I will always be here for you. No matter what happens, I got your back just like how a sister is supposed to.

Love me...
Jini<3

BitterSweet Summer

Summer is officially over for me.
School begins in a couple hours & I should be getting some sleep.
This summer has been very bittersweet for me..

Lots of tears, smiles, laughter & stress.

I first want to apologize..
I just couldn't keep lying to myself.. hoping that one day, everything will be okay again.
I never wanted to hurt you.
My memories of us will never disappear,
but I wish one day, we can look back & reminisce these memories as friends.

Next, I would like to let someone know that I'm going to be the best.
It's because you make me feel like I am the best in the world,
that I'm going to push myself extra hard to be the best.

When you tell me I'm beautiful the way I am, I believe you.
When you kiss me, I get tingles & butterflies in my stomach.
When you hold my hand, I feel safe.
When you hug me, everything feels right.

Our late night talks seem like they can last forever...
I sometimes wonder to myself why it took so long for me to realize
something that was right in front of me this whole time...?

Good night, world.
Jini

Day 3 - To my Parents

Dear Mommy & Daddy,

I can NEVER repay the debt I owe you two.
You have done so much for me that words can't even explain.
What I must do now is to be good and make you guys proud.

Mommy, you gave me life.
You are the one who taught me how to be responsible.
You are the one who taught me how to eat ^_^
You are the one who will always be there no matter what.
You are the one who knows when something is wrong.
You are the one who holds the family together.
You are the one who will forever be my best friend.

Daddy, you taught me how to be strong.
You are the one I look up to when dealing with a problem.
You are the one who taught me there's no use in crying, live life & move on.
You are the one who taught me the value of family.
You are the one who taught me how to become a safe driver.
You are the one who protects this family.
You are the one who no matter what happens will always be on my side.

I love you both with all of my heart, body & soul.
Now that time is passing us by, it is my turn to take care of you.
You guys made who I am today-- strong, responsible & loves to eat.

I love you Mommy & Daddy.
I'd be lost without you.

Love Me ...
Jini<3

Day 2 - To my crush

Although you may think your actions aren't important,
it's the simplest things you do that touch my heart.
& I remember every single one of them ...

You gave me your jacket even though it was freezing cold.
You turn around & slow down to check if I'm okay even though you can bike so much faster.
You remember what you owed me even though I didn't remind you.
You came back to apologize even though yelling at me was the right thing to do.
You treated me to dessert.
You let me hold onto you when I was cold.
You let me put my head on your shoulder when I was tired.

You've done many things for me that may not seem like they would matter.
But to me, you make me feel special with those little actions.

I hope one day, you'll be able to see how special you make me feel :]

Love me ...
Jini<3

30 Day Letter Challenge - Day 1: To my best friend

I'm going to start this 30 day letter challenge.
I feel like this is a good way of letting out the emotions I have bottled up inside.

To my best friend:

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can not thank you enough for everything you've done for me, for the time you've given me, for the effort, patience, and love you've given me. I owe you my life, and I hope by this lifetime, I can pay you back all that you have given me. Without you, I would not be the person that I am today. Without you, I would not have my strength to fight, my will to keep pushing myself, my faith in believing myself, or my morals to do the right now. I know this may sound cheesy, but you are the light that shines the road for me. You open my eyes to see outside the box, to see the broader picture and to understand the world better. I can probably write a book on how much you've influenced me to become a better person, but knowing you, you would probably tell me to go study instead. I truly appreciate everything about you and I would not know what to do without you in my life. Even if we were to separate right now, I'm glad I did know you. Because now I know, if I ever run into predicaments, what I need to do first is "Breathe & Drink Water."

To my best friend:

You are the one that keeps me happy in life. I don't ever thank you enough for always putting a smile on my face. You give me a sense of security. Whenever I am with you, I know I am safe and that I can depend on you. You are the greatest friend a person can ever ask for. Whenever I have a problem, you drop everything and immediately come to my side to comfort me. I truly cherish all the time we spend together; whether it's just eating lunch, playing sports, meaningful talks, random talks, reminiscing or working. All the time I spend with you are happy times. If you were to disappear out of my life, I know my days ahead would be a lot less joyful.

I love the both of you with all of my heart.
& writing this first post has made me realize how important you two are to me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for everything.

Love me...
Jini<3

Don't Hold onto Me for Security

Everything is different.

I wasn't supposed to get my feelings mixed up into this...
Nothing is going according to plan.

I'm caring too much about you.
I'm thinking too much about you.
I wasn't supposed to get hurt...

I hate how everything is now.


Love me...
Jini<3

들리니 I Need You, I Love You...

Long time no see...
The month of May has definitely been full of surprises :]

May is Asian Heritage Month. & we have a fair to celebrate it.

At the fair, I saw Far East Movement ^_^& won tickets to the BROWN EYED GIRLS, Bruno Mars, & T-Pain concert!

Bruno Mars is such a cutie!

It was awesome! But BEG only sang 3 songs. Wtf?
Oh well, at least I got to see them right?
It was crazy. As soon as they came out, tears started to flow out of my eyes.
They are more beautiful in person than they are in music videos.
I'm hoping to see them again soon ...

Narsha ; Miryo ; Ga-In ; Missing JeA (visa problems)

After the show, we got dinner & dessert. I had a banana split~ YUM!
This week is finals week & it felt so good to just relax and spend time with friends over some dessert.

banana split with cookies n cream ice cream

my look for the concert ; face looks super white cus of flash

Wish me luck on finals! I'll talk to you guys after that :]

Love me ...
Jini<3

Internship!

Hey guys :] Long time no.. read?

I just wanted to quickly blog about this internship that I got.
(I'm not trying to brag or anything; just wanted to share.)

I'm still unsure what kind of internship this is..
I know it's for PR/marketing, but not sure of the company.
Hope it's not a pyramid scheme thing >< Hahahaha.

I'll update on everything when I get home tonight :D

Love me...
Jini<3

I am the Luckiest Girl in the World.

There was a time in my life where I kept thinking I was alone.
Especially since college started, I felt that I was losing everybody..

How stupid was that?
I am the LUCKIEST girl in the world.
I have so many loving friends that care so much about me & I never even realized that..

Everything went by so perfectly. It felt like a dream.
I'm going to post only a couple of pictures up to give you guys a feel of what happened.

my boys<33

Terence & I

big love!

cuties!

the restaurant surprised me with a warm chocolate brownie & vanilla ice cream

karaoke!

bestie & I<3

my love & I

This was seriously the best birthday I could ever ask for.
Close friends who love me, perfect weather, perfect service, almost perfect everything.

I love you all so much.
You guys mean so much to me.
Thank you for everything you've given me
Thank you for everything you've done for me
Thank you for being here
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for loving me..

Love me...
Jini<3

P.S.: I'll put a picture of the gifts up later.

Cover: Wedding Dress by TaeYang (female version)

I hope you guys enjoy this! I love to sing and create lyrics that I feel would fit the song through my own eyes. Let me know what you think :D

Love me ...
Jini

My First Happy Post :)

I'm full of happiness and food right now.
Finally, I can post about something positive in my life.

Today, my boss, Mandy, took my boyfriend & I out for our birthday dinner.
We went to her friend's restaurant, SUMI (Japanese food.)
& "FRESH" is probably the best word to describe it.

This place is super cute. Tiny, cozy, modern, & sleek.
There was probably only 10-15 small (2 person) tables & the bar seating around 5.
Although it was small, the restaurant had a really nice feel to it.

I love raw fish. & almost everything we ate was raw ><"

First, we started off with some appetizers.


miso soup (non-packaged ones tastes so much better)


simple salad


fish liver wrapped with raw fish topped with miso sauce




fish liver appetizer


uni and ebi nigiri (yummy!)


raw queen clam


deep fried ebi head (light & crunchy, like shrimp chips)




Obama-hama (hamachi & cilantro-- SO GOOD)


salmon with scallop on top


unagi tempura don


self explained


Jack & I


chocolate creme brulee


sweet piggy & angry piggy from Mandy

Just a simple dinner like this can make me forget about the worries in the world.
But then again, who you have dinner with is important too.

I'm so grateful to have been able to meet Mandy :)
Because of her, she has opened many opportunities for me
& I will never forget what she has done for me.

I can't wait until it's her birthday, so I can treat her.

Love me ...
Jini

My fault...?

No matter how hard I try, it just seems like I'm slowly losing everyone important around me.

Up until now, I had always thought, "It's their problem. THEY are the ones that changed."
I never stopped to think... Maybe it's my fault.
Maybe I didn't try hard enough.
Maybe I didn't care about them enough.
Maybe I took them for granted.

But what's done is done.
We can't go back and change the past.
And I absolutely refuse to conform to your ways.

Secretly inside... It still hurts.
I miss the old days.

I wish my blog can be a more happy place,
instead of a place where I write all my sad, sappy tales.
Remember how I said I wanted to start some FOTD stuff?
I really need to stop procrastinating and just do it.

I'll be back soon.

Love me...
Jini<3

I'll Miss You...

Life comes and goes.
It's hard to think rationally like that
when the life that goes is someone close to your heart.

Because we were never really close
is why I feel like I haven't done my part.

For the last moments, I just wanted to see you laugh & smile again...

Seeing someone suffering,
and not being able to help is the most painful thing to feel.

At least now, you don't have to suffer anymore.

When a person is dying, I wonder, what are the thoughts fill their heads?
Their family? Their jobs? Their pain?

Appreciate everyone around you.
Don't take anyone for granted.

What I've learned from your life lived is to be strong.
You're one of the strongest fighters in the world
& I, too, will become strong so I can move on.

Bittersweet endings...
Jini

What Used to Be..

Happy Chinese New Years!
& Happy Valentine's Day.

The thing I looked forward to each Chinese New Years
isn't any red envelope with money or anything of that sort.
It was waking up in the morning, and hearing the Chinese New Year songs.

Although each year, it's the same music, same lyrics..
it was still special to me.

As each year passes, I feel as if the tradition of Chinese New Years is decaying.
The fairs aren't as lively, things don't look as red as they should..
Hell, I even painted my nails red to try to get more into the mood of Chinese New Years.

What's happening to us?
I wish things were like before, when things were more simple..

When my Grandma would take me out to the fair, & I would have the time of my life
When my parents would watch Chinese New Year shows with me
When the scariest thing to me was only firecrackers,
now I know there are far more scarier things..

These things..
even though seem so simple, are so important.
I regret the fact that I didn't appreciate them when I had them.
I regret the fact that I had to grow up,
and not realize who the important people in my life are.

I can't keep wishing and reminiscing in the past.
I need to appreciate what I have now, and try to repair broken relationships.
It's time to move on.

Anyway,
I wish you all a life of good health, great fortune, and dreams come true.

Love me ..
Jini<3

Brand New Start

I guess it's time for me to write down all my New Year's resolutions, huh?
But instead of doing that, what my cousin said is right..
"Why can't you start today? Just because the year changes, doesn't mean everything else does."

I hope everyone who reads this will realize it's time to get up and do something.
No planning, no procrastinating. If you are, then "you're just behind."

Anyway, how did you all spend your New Year's?
I spent it at work, with friends. Surprisingly, it was quite fun.
Once we counted down, we popped open our Apple Cider, and had our first frozen yogurt shot of the year.
That's what I like about us. There's no need for alcohol for us to have fun with each other.

I think I might actually make this blog not just about my feelings anymore.
I'll begin to put up FOTD (face of the day), and fashion stuff.

Spring semester is about to start again..
This winter break has passed by so fast.

I will update soon with a better post.

Love me<3
Jini