I'll Miss You...

Life comes and goes.
It's hard to think rationally like that
when the life that goes is someone close to your heart.

Because we were never really close
is why I feel like I haven't done my part.

For the last moments, I just wanted to see you laugh & smile again...

Seeing someone suffering,
and not being able to help is the most painful thing to feel.

At least now, you don't have to suffer anymore.

When a person is dying, I wonder, what are the thoughts fill their heads?
Their family? Their jobs? Their pain?

Appreciate everyone around you.
Don't take anyone for granted.

What I've learned from your life lived is to be strong.
You're one of the strongest fighters in the world
& I, too, will become strong so I can move on.

Bittersweet endings...
Jini

What Used to Be..

Happy Chinese New Years!
& Happy Valentine's Day.

The thing I looked forward to each Chinese New Years
isn't any red envelope with money or anything of that sort.
It was waking up in the morning, and hearing the Chinese New Year songs.

Although each year, it's the same music, same lyrics..
it was still special to me.

As each year passes, I feel as if the tradition of Chinese New Years is decaying.
The fairs aren't as lively, things don't look as red as they should..
Hell, I even painted my nails red to try to get more into the mood of Chinese New Years.

What's happening to us?
I wish things were like before, when things were more simple..

When my Grandma would take me out to the fair, & I would have the time of my life
When my parents would watch Chinese New Year shows with me
When the scariest thing to me was only firecrackers,
now I know there are far more scarier things..

These things..
even though seem so simple, are so important.
I regret the fact that I didn't appreciate them when I had them.
I regret the fact that I had to grow up,
and not realize who the important people in my life are.

I can't keep wishing and reminiscing in the past.
I need to appreciate what I have now, and try to repair broken relationships.
It's time to move on.

Anyway,
I wish you all a life of good health, great fortune, and dreams come true.

Love me ..
Jini<3

Brand New Start

I guess it's time for me to write down all my New Year's resolutions, huh?
But instead of doing that, what my cousin said is right..
"Why can't you start today? Just because the year changes, doesn't mean everything else does."

I hope everyone who reads this will realize it's time to get up and do something.
No planning, no procrastinating. If you are, then "you're just behind."

Anyway, how did you all spend your New Year's?
I spent it at work, with friends. Surprisingly, it was quite fun.
Once we counted down, we popped open our Apple Cider, and had our first frozen yogurt shot of the year.
That's what I like about us. There's no need for alcohol for us to have fun with each other.

I think I might actually make this blog not just about my feelings anymore.
I'll begin to put up FOTD (face of the day), and fashion stuff.

Spring semester is about to start again..
This winter break has passed by so fast.

I will update soon with a better post.

Love me<3
Jini

My First Verdict ..

I'm really really really sorry I haven't updated in so long.
Finals are coming up soon, and Spring semester will be here before I know it.
So, I've taken the time to choose classes..

It seems kind of dumb that I'm taking so long to choose classes,
but this upcoming semester will determine what I'm going to major in.

I pretty much narrowed it down to two choices already:
-Neurology: specializing in strokes and anxiety
-Business Management: hoping to open my own shop/restaurant

Hah, the two majors have absolutely nothing in common.

If I study neurology, I would be doing something I should do.
It's the only way I can help others to never experience the feelings I get,
and to prevent others from ever having to suffer from the pain.
But if I study business, I would be doing something I want to do.
I long for critique of my creations. I adore people. I love to interact.
The reason why it's so hard for me to make this decision is because I don't want to regret.

Sigh, but I've pretty much made my decision already,
and this is the first decision that I'll be making for my adult life..


It's almost Thanksgiving.
I can't wait to be around all the warmth that used to be..

Love me ..
Jini<3

Fuck Heartless Money

There is something I don't understand in this world .
& I guess it could be kind of political,
but it connects with me on a personal level .

Why can't a person who doesn't feel well,
just go into a doctor's office and seek medical help,
without worrying about money ?

Aren't doctors supposed to be helping others ?
Don't they follow their dream to be a doctor
because of their passion to help others ?

I don't FUCKING understand it !
Why is it that a person that is UNWELL
has to COUGH UP $30 just to see a heartless doctor
who gives medical advice like, "Just sleep more, eat healthier, & exercise."

SERIOUSLY, I did NOT need to fucking pay you $30
for something I could have fucking told myself !

Are there ANY doctors that actually CARE for people now ?
How can MONEY blind somebody's heart so much
that they won't even bother to let you come into their office
without health insurance, or money for "co-payment" ?
What the fuck am I paying health insurance for, if I have to pay co-payment ?

Don't even fucking start with me about doctors need to get paid too .
THEY MAKE ENOUGH FUCKING MONEY EVERY YEAR .
EVER THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY SAVE
CUS THEY DON'T NEED PAY CO-PAYMENT
WHENEVER THEY NEED TO SEE THEMSELVES FOR MEDICAL HELP ?!?

If you are even thinking about being a doctor,
you better be fucking passionate about HELPING people,
and not just in it for the fuck damn money .
If not, then you should just go fuck yourself,
because you'll end up being one of those useless assfucks
who get paid for doing no fucking thing .

Simplicity: a careless night

Simple moments can make such an important imprint on your heart .

The other night I went out with my two best friends .
Nothing special . To be honest,
I don't even remember why we decided to go out .

We ran into a friend who works at a sushi restaurant
& he offered us some food . Of course, we declined .
Later, we get a call from him telling us he brought us food -_-"
It was so sweet of him <3

Soon after, I find us sitting on someone's doorsteps, the sun is almost set,
drinking our miso soups, eating our seaweed salad & sushi .
I love times like these ..
All the problems in the world just seem to melt with the sun .
Nothing in the world mattered,
except who was going to get the last piece of sushi . Haha .

After that, we decided to go get ice cream .
We ended up standing at a street corner .
Laughing, eating ice cream, sharing ..
It felt like I was back in time ..
when just sharing a simple ice cream with friends was special .

The time we spent together seemed to go by so fast .
It felt like it was just yesterday that I left childhood,
and started to grow up and really live .
Like it was just last week that I realize how important best friends are .

This is dedicated to someone really special:

You're gone now . A new chapter of your life is starting to unfold .
I'm going to miss you, but I realize I can't be the one to hold you back .
Even though, I want you to stay .. It's time for me to stop being dependent .
You have always been the one to push me to the fullest .
Now, whenever I'm in doubt, I'll hear your voice telling me to just do it .
Although we're in different places, our friendship will always be strong .
Promise me one thing: Don't Forget Our Memories .

Love me ..
Jini <3

Pure, Innocent Beauty

Summer has officially ended for me .
First day of school was today ..
I thought it was alright, but it all just seemed to relax .
Mm, maybe it just hasn't gotten to me yet that I'm in college now .

Anyway, I went camping for the first time in my life, finally .
We collected rocks . Haha, that probably sounds weird
but the rocks were actually really pretty .
Just doing simple things like that can still put a smile to my face .
It just goes to show you that laughter doesn't have to be complex .
No matter how complicated and dark your life can be;
a simple laughter can make it brighter ..

The campsite was beautiful .
There was absolutely no city life around there .
Nature just on its own; pure, innocent beauty .
I finally got to see the sunset, in real life .
It was hard to just stare at it because it was so bright,
but the glow of the sun was so calming ..
I couldn't keep my eyes off it, until the sun pretty just fell into the ocean .
At night, the sky was even more beautiful ..
I love looking at stars in the city . My friend just laughs and goes,
" You think those are pretty . Just wait til you go camping . "
& he was right . I was surrounded by the stars .
Saw a couple of shooting stars as well-- I didn't have enough time to make a wish
because I was so captivated by them . ( plus they were really fast )

Recently, I went to a fair to celebrate J-Pop culture .
My friend & I shared two mini-cupcakes:
Thai Tea and Lemon Basil Blueberry
All I have to say is, WOW .
Well, the thai tea one needed a bit more intensity,
but the lemon basil blueberry was amazing .
I'm really sad I don't remember what their company was called .
I would share it with everyone if I knew .
Doesn't the name of the cupcake just sound wonderful ??

On a side note, I work as a salesperson ( food ) .
A couple came in to order, and they only had AmEx,
but we don't accept those cards .
I told them, " You guys can just come back later . We close @ 11 . "
They said they lived close by,
& I guess I just thought humans had a better heart ..
Anyway, they didn't come back;
however, a couple weeks later, they came in to order .
I recognized them, & I served them horribly .
Giving them as small portions as I could,
& giving them the biggest attitude a server could without getting fired .

Well, after that, I didn't feel satisfied ..
so when they came in for the third time,
I decided to just let it go . What's the point ?
Being mean isn't going to help me
or make me feel better . So I was nice to them .
We ended up laughing about something . . .
That, that actually made me feel better;
a better human being .

But, yes, I naively believed that they would come back with money .

On August 8, 2009, the moon was red .
It was the most beautiful state I've ever seen the moon in ..

Love me ..
Jini<3