Yes, I am selfish.
I'm selfish because I want you all to myself. But, that's just a thought. I would never act on it because I've changed.

There's a need for self-control here. & I've realized that.

For the nights that I cry myself to sleep are mostly because of realizations.

Realizing that I miss you too much.
Realizing that I'm falling too fast for you.
Realizing that I'm letting my guard down; therefore, making it possible for my feelings to get hurt.

When feelings change, the one that gets hurt always feels victimized.
But aren't we the ones that put ourselves into those situations?

Aren't we the ones that let our feelings get in the way of reality?
Aren't we the ones putting our hearts out there knowing there would be a possibility of it breaking?

But, that's the chance you have to take when it comes to love.

In the end, you can never be in love if all you have are precautions. It's the chance of getting hurt that makes it all worth while. Trust. It's what's needed for reality to come back to you. So your feelings will stop playing games on you.

That's what I've realized.
I need to trust you.
I will trust you.

Love me...
Jini<3

开心(:

I've come to a realization that I need to stop living in a dark cloud;
why not live in happiness?
why not live with the joys in life?
why worry constantly over silly things that don't matter?

And you know what?
I'm a lot happier now than I ever was.

I've stopped torturing myself with little things that used to eat me alive.
It's just not worth it. It's not worth hurting relationships.

There's this quote I've been seeing a lot lately,
"Sometimes when I say, 'I'm okay', I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, 'I know you are not'"

I want to add to that..
Sometimes when I say, "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, "I know you are not, but I'll make everything okay again."

Now, the only things I should be worrying about are school-related problems x_x
Must. Study. Must. Get. Perfect. Grades. = Must. Fulfill. Dreams.

Love me
Jini<3

死 性 不 改

Why does this all feel so familiar again..?
同歌. 同眼泪. Same fear that I will lose you.


为什么我一起一起都要做錯?
为什么我一直要伤害你?
Why can't I be perfect?

 我真的很恨我自己...

... 你还可以爱我吗?

Day 4 - To my sibling (closest relative)

Since I'm an only child, I'll dedicate this one to my cousin, Wendy :]

I remember when we were younger, we did everything together. Go out & eat, shopping with our moms, vacations, etc. Simple games of make believe were fun with you. Playing teacher, pretend shopping at a grocery store, singing.. I miss these simple times, where the only thing we worried about was leaving each other because the sky was getting dark. Now you're all grown up. You've worked so hard all these years at school & you deserve the very best. You're about to head to college and wherever you go, I know you'll succeed. I love you as if you were my little sister. Although we fought like hell when we were younger, it's different now. We've matured, and now I can talk to you about real life things. Just know, I will always be here for you. No matter what happens, I got your back just like how a sister is supposed to.

Love me...
Jini<3

BitterSweet Summer

Summer is officially over for me.
School begins in a couple hours & I should be getting some sleep.
This summer has been very bittersweet for me..

Lots of tears, smiles, laughter & stress.

I first want to apologize..
I just couldn't keep lying to myself.. hoping that one day, everything will be okay again.
I never wanted to hurt you.
My memories of us will never disappear,
but I wish one day, we can look back & reminisce these memories as friends.

Next, I would like to let someone know that I'm going to be the best.
It's because you make me feel like I am the best in the world,
that I'm going to push myself extra hard to be the best.

When you tell me I'm beautiful the way I am, I believe you.
When you kiss me, I get tingles & butterflies in my stomach.
When you hold my hand, I feel safe.
When you hug me, everything feels right.

Our late night talks seem like they can last forever...
I sometimes wonder to myself why it took so long for me to realize
something that was right in front of me this whole time...?

Good night, world.
Jini

Day 3 - To my Parents

Dear Mommy & Daddy,

I can NEVER repay the debt I owe you two.
You have done so much for me that words can't even explain.
What I must do now is to be good and make you guys proud.

Mommy, you gave me life.
You are the one who taught me how to be responsible.
You are the one who taught me how to eat ^_^
You are the one who will always be there no matter what.
You are the one who knows when something is wrong.
You are the one who holds the family together.
You are the one who will forever be my best friend.

Daddy, you taught me how to be strong.
You are the one I look up to when dealing with a problem.
You are the one who taught me there's no use in crying, live life & move on.
You are the one who taught me the value of family.
You are the one who taught me how to become a safe driver.
You are the one who protects this family.
You are the one who no matter what happens will always be on my side.

I love you both with all of my heart, body & soul.
Now that time is passing us by, it is my turn to take care of you.
You guys made who I am today-- strong, responsible & loves to eat.

I love you Mommy & Daddy.
I'd be lost without you.

Love Me ...
Jini<3

Day 2 - To my crush

Although you may think your actions aren't important,
it's the simplest things you do that touch my heart.
& I remember every single one of them ...

You gave me your jacket even though it was freezing cold.
You turn around & slow down to check if I'm okay even though you can bike so much faster.
You remember what you owed me even though I didn't remind you.
You came back to apologize even though yelling at me was the right thing to do.
You treated me to dessert.
You let me hold onto you when I was cold.
You let me put my head on your shoulder when I was tired.

You've done many things for me that may not seem like they would matter.
But to me, you make me feel special with those little actions.

I hope one day, you'll be able to see how special you make me feel :]

Love me ...
Jini<3